5 weeks postpartum

Cravings for sweet junk are irresistible. As the empty Nutella jars and disappointed look on my daughter's face when she asks for a cookie and I have to tell her the batch I made yesterday is GONE, can attest to. Can I blame breastfeeding? Maybe. Exhaustion? Probably. Weak self-control? Definitely.
Most people say I should give myself a break, that I just had a baby. True, and maybe my expectations for bounce-back were a little over-ambitious. But I can't help but be upset with myself for slacking on the parts that should have been easiest, like not eating sugar laden junk all day long.
Exercise is going well though. I'm up to 3.5mi on my runs. And on days where the kiddos manage to wake up before me, I throw the baby in my sling and take a brisk walk instead. Which, when you keep your abs engaged and clench your butt-cheeks, ends up feeling like a decent workout!
While it doesn't look like I'll be back to pre-pregnancy weight by 6wks, I am on my way. And I'm healthy. And I have beautiful children. So, I have to just chill out.

First Run

I was enjoying myself, just sitting on my money-maker, nursing away my baby weight. And I have lost 17 of 26lbs doing nothing else. But over the weekend I started to feel an itch. I wanted to run. Insane, right?!
I talked with my midwife at our appointment yesterday and got the okay to get back to exercise! And then my son slept for a nearly 5hr stretch last night, so it was as if the stars were telling me I better get up and run. I did get up. Pulled two sports bras on over the milk jugs and stepped out into the 6am heat. I did intervals of speed walking and running for 1.5mi. It felt pretty good. I'm having a little lower back pain, but I figure that's from my abdominals not quite doing the work they should yet. I'll do some more stretching and some pelvic tilts and hopefully tomorrow will be even better!
Now, if I could just lay off the chocolate cherry oatmeal cookies, I'm sure that I'll finish off the baby weight and feel fantastic in no time!

Why is it so easy?

I've been thinking about why it's so much easier for me to make healthful choices while I'm pregnant than when I'm not. I don't think it's just because my choices affect the baby, though that's the most obvious. I've concluded it's the lack of restriction. I feel like I can eat however much I want. So if after eating all the stuff that's nutritionally required, I still feel like some candy or ice cream, cool. Where as non-pregnant, I focus more on weight loss/maintenance and the idea that a calorie is a calorie is a calorie. So do I want an egg sandwich for breakfast or an caloric-ly equal portion of brownies? For non-pregnant me, brownies would frequently win. But pregnant me is realizing that when I eat healthfully, the cravings for the nutritionally void are not only fewer, but less intense.
And because it's fun, here's a side by side comparison of yesterday, 31w3d, and five weeks ago, 26w3d. It was actually kind of comforting to be able to see a difference because although it certainly feels like Baby B is bigger and stronger, sometimes it seems like my belly isn't getting any bigger. It is! And could I possibly carry any lower? :)


ETA: A friend wanted to see a pic from my last pregnancy. Here I am at 31w4d with my daughter. It's cleverly cropped because I didn't like seeing my big ol' butt, but I can still see in my face the fact that I'm about 20lbs heavier than I am now!

Victories!

I've been hanging on to several large pairs of jeans in anticipation of needing them again while pregnant (just as I've been saving several pairs of 26s in anticipation of needing them when I get a tapeworm LOL). I went through them earlier this week and they're not just ill fitting, they won't even stay on. But it makes sense. I haven't even reached the weight I was at my first appt at 9wks in my pregnancy with Emberly. So I added them to my Goodwill donation pile, because with less than 14wks left, if I keep exercising and eating well, I'll be hard pressed to gain the 30lbs it would take for those pants to fit!
It felt really good for those pants to not even being close to fitting! Victories. Small victories.
And tracking my food is going well! I'm trying to pay closer attention to the amount of sugar that's added to foods that I wouldn't normally suspect. Some days I'm surprised at how much food I can eat and still come in under 2400 calories. It's all about making healthier choices. Which, for me, is really all about not having the bad choices in the house!

Refocus

When I found out I was pregnant, I was amidst a serious weight loss expedition and I was using Sparkpeople to journal my food. I continued to do it even afterward, obviously changing my goals from keeping my calories under a certain level to making sure they reached a certain level, including 80g of protein per day.
Well, I quit right before the race, about a month ago. I felt like I knew what I was doing and just didn't want to do it anymore. But I think I should start again. Between homemade cakes, cookies and Easter candy, the last week has been a sugar fest. I need my calories to count, and the only way I'll feel accountable to myself is if I'm honest and put it down where I can see how it all adds up.
So tomorrow, I'm back to journaling food. I'll be 25wks, and as of this morning I'm up 11lbs, so I can still keep this pregnancy within the 25-30lbs range. Here's to new focus for lean, mean baby and mama!